MYSTERY SUBURBAN THEATER 3000 http://suburbanmark.tripod.com EPISODE 107 "The Bet" Original Final Fantasy 7 story by: Arisa K. MSTed by: "Suburban Mark" mst_mark@yahoo.com LEGAL STUFF: "The Bet" is an original story owned by Arisa K. It is being MSTed here with her permission, which I thank her very much for. "Final Fantasy 7" and "Final Fantasy 8" and the characters and stories within are copyrighted and trademarked to Square, Inc. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyrighted by and registered to Best Brains, Inc, and its distributors. BASEMENT OF CAPTIVITY The clock chimed as it hit the three o'clock hour. All four of the teenagers who were being held in the basement of Dr. Kivlington's suburban home were lying on the floor in their version of a living room, watching it intently. "He'll be calling us soon," said Dio, referring to Dr. Kivlington. "Yep," agreed Paige. "Send us another fanfic." "Yep." "Make us read it." "Yep." "Kind of a boring life." "Yep." "Much like this conversation," interjected Leile. "Well, do you have something we could talk about while we wait?" Dio asked. Leile paused before answering. "We could talk about politics." Trey made a face. "That's not fun. And besides, we did that yesterday." "Okay, how about the economy?" "Not really high up there on the entertainment factor," Trey countered. "Fine. How about things that make you angry. I choose the three of you," Leile said curtly. "For me, it's lame commercials, like the ones with ALF," Dio said. "The ones in which ALF acts better than his co-star?" Paige asked. "That's right." Trey said, "I don't like those fair-weather sports fans who just cheer for whatever team is doing the best. Come on, what's the point?" "At least your team will win all the championships," Dio said, shrugging. "And I dislike those fitness program videos they try to sell you on television. Remember when you could get up early in the morning, hit up ESPN, and see a fitness program for free?" said Paige, adding, "Well, for the price of your basic cable, anyway." "And they worked just as well," nodded Leile. "Speaking of long ago, why is it that I liked all those old cartoons of the early nineties, but think today's stuff is crap?" Dio wondered aloud. "Nostalgia is a powerful force," said Trey. "It makes us think very highly of the past and think less of the present." "Why do you think my grandparents call them 'The Good Old Days' even though few of them were really that much of an improvement on today?" Leile said. "I don't know. They're senile?" suggested Dio. "Well, maybe, but I don't think that's the ONLY reason." All of a sudden, Dr. Kivlington appeared on the viewscreen located in the living room. "Ah, you are all here. Perfect. I trust you've been keeping busy?" "Oh, sure, we never run out of things to do, trapped in a basement," said Trey, rolling his eyes. "Good to hear," the doctor said, oblivious as usual to Trey's sarcasm. "Anyway, Gregory's late with this week's fic, so I thought I would try and entertain you while he gets it." "There's really no need-" Paige could not finish her sentence, however, because Dr. Kivlington spoke right over her. "How then, how about a joke? Two men walk into a bar. One says, 'I'm thirsty', and the other says, 'Me too'. Then, when the bartender asks for their order, they both say, 'Just a bowl of peanuts, please'. Ha! Get it? Even though they just said they were thirsty, they didn't order any drinks, AND they ordered a snack that would only make them MORE thirsty! I think I'm finally starting to understand irony!" "Err, yeah, right," muttered Paige. "How about another one?" Mercifully, before Dr. Kivlington could recite another joke, Gregory appeared with the fic. "Oh, Gregory, you found one?" "Yes," said Gregory. "Sorry it's late." "Oh, well, I was just telling them some jokes while we waited. So, not really a problem!" "You told them jokes? Poor kids," Gregory said, his empathy real. "So, what is today's fic?" Dr. Kivlington asked. Turning to face the viewscreen, Gregory explained, "Ah, well, today's fic is set in the Final Fantasy 7 universe, where an asteroid summoned by magic threatens to destroy the world that probably deserves it," Gregory explained. "Anyway, it's a fic about a bet, called, amazingly enough, 'The Bet', written by Arisa K. Enjoy!" "Thank you, Gregory! Isn't he wonderful?" "Yeah," grumbled Trey. "He's a really great guy." The alarms and buzzers rang out, and a big sign that read 'FANFIC' floated overhead. "We've got Fanfic sign!" shouted Paige. The four headed into the theater. [Doors: 6-5-4-3-2-1] >The Bet PAIGE: Boy, I hope isn't a detailed description of a game of poker. >Disclaimer: you know the drill.... LEILE: It's a Black & Decker. >(Cloud, Cid, and Barret are having a "man talk" in 7th Heaven >until Yuffie, Tifa, and Aeris walk in with shopping bags in >hand.) PAIGE: Man talk? TREY: You know, either talking about women or sports. LEILE: And? TREY: That's actually basically it. >Cid: Hello ladies! Have a good time? PAIGE: Enjoy those gigolos I got for you? >Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie: NO! DIO: Okay, well, I was just making small talk, you know. >Aeris: Tifa wouldn't leave the Pet Shop! TREY: Oooh, look at the cute kitties! They're so cute! >She kept saying (mocking tone) "I wish I could take them all >home with me...". DIO: Her love for animals makes me sick. PAIGE: Sometimes Tifa makes me wish I was still dead. TREY: Guess they remembered to use a Phoenix Down on Aeris. >Tifa: Yeah, well Aeris wouldn't leave the restaurant! It was >one cheese cake after another! TREY: Aeris is going to be three hundred pounds with eating habits like that. PAIGE: I was just trying to show you how to eat, you anorexic. >Aeris: They were better than yours! DIO: Thems' fightin' words, they is. >Tifa: Were not! > >Aeris: Were too!! LEILE: These are the two women I get to choose from? >Yuffie: and those two WOULDN'T STOP FIGHTING!!!!! TREY: Geez, I'm the youngest one here, and yet I act like the most mature one! >(Crickets chrip.) PAIGE: We should be chirping, but what the hell? Let's chrip. DIO: Those crickets are SMARTER THAN THOSE TWO!!!!! >Cloud: Have you girls seen my sword? TREY: We wish. DIO: Talk about your up front pick-up lines. >Aeris: Cloud! I bought you something! LEILE: Screw your stupid sword, I got you a present. PAIGE: This oughta make him stop his whining. >Cloud: (Looks at Aeris with puppy dog eyes.) Really? Let me >see... > >(Aeris reaches into her shopping bag and pulls out a box of >chocolate covered cherries, DIO: I like my men as fat as me. TREY: There she goes with the food again! Sheesh! >She hands them to Cloud who takes them immediately.) > >Cloud: WOW! My favorite! (He quickly opens the box and begins >to pig out. Everyone looks at him in disgust.) .....what? TREY: What do you think? LEILE: Cloud eats like Homer Simpson. PAIGE: Mmmmm...chocolate covered cherries ...haghghgh... >Tifa: I got you something too Cloud.... DIO: Myself dressed in my birthday suit. TREY: Tifa wins! >Yuffie, Cid and Barret: .......saps..... LEILE: Barret has been strangely quiet up to this point. PAIGE: Neither he nor Cid has hurled an expletive-laden rant around. What's wrong? TREY: They must be sick. >Cloud: (Looks at her with puppy dog eyes.) Really? Let me >see... DIO: He's playing the two of them masterfully. >(Tifa pulls out of her bag Cloud's sword that was mysteriously >concealed in her 12 inch high, 16 inch wide shopping bag and >hands it to Cloud.) PAIGE: Thank you for giving me back my tiny sword. DIO: It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it. LEILE: Uh, Tifa? Mary Poppins called. She wants her bag back. TREY: Uh, Leile? The 80's called. They want their tired old joke back. LEILE: Bite me. >All but Tifa: ...... LEILE: They all died! PAIGE: Oh, and I guess it'll be MY job to carry them to the cemetery? >Tifa: Read the inscription on the handle... TREY: It's sooo cute! >(Cloud takes a look at the handle which says "Best friends >4ever".) PAIGE: Awwwww... DIO: What? Just friends? Come here, Aeris-baby! TREY: Ack! You ruined my sword by having this crap etched on it! >Authors note: LEILE: An interesting character name. >corny, I am very well aware, but I needed a way to top Aeris' >gift, PAIGE: No, no, not corny, the '4ever' makes it very endearing. >tee hee...err...damn Selphie traits are stickin' to me like >glue... > >Cloud: Tifa! That is so cool. LEILE: He sounds really thrilled. DIO: Wow. This is very neat. I shall treasure it forever. >(hugs Tifa) thanks! > >Tifa: (blushes and hugs back) your welcome... LEILE: No, my sword, not my welcome... PAIGE: That joke's been done enough. >Aeris: (mumbles angrily) I didn't get a thank you or a hug.... DIO: I'm so sad...I'm going to eat an entire ham if anyone needs me. >(Cid goes to hug Aeris but is promptly kicked in the stomach by >her. TREY: Harsh! PAIGE: She just gave him what he deserved. >Barret laughs at him as he doubles over in pain.) TREY: That isn't very nice, either. LEILE: Don't count on Barret to be sympathetic. >Yuffie: You guys are such morons! I'm outta here! (runs out) DIO: Adults! Can't live with 'em... PAIGE: Yuffie is always so eloquent. TREY: Since when was she the most rational of the bunch? >Barret: Hurrah! The bitch is gone! Hip hip... LEILE: Ah, here's the Barret we know and love. DIO: Although, he seems a bit nasty today, even for him. TREY: But Roseanne wasn't even there to begin with. >Cid: (groans) hurrah... PAIGE: I think she broke some ribs... >Barret: HAHA foo'! TREY: If Mr. T were dead, he'd be rolling in his grave. DIO: Quit your jibber-jabbering! >Cid: Shut up! LEILE: Ooh, good one! >Tifa: Anyway... TREY: For God's sake, even Yuffie thinks we're morons... >glad you like it Cloud... > >Aeris: You enjoy those cherries. DIO: Sounds like he already did. LEILE: Huh, Aeris? You still here? Your gift sucks. >Tifa: *cough* cheap gift *cough* cheap gift... TREY: Someone get Tifa a glass of water. DIO: I think Tifa's a parrot. >Aeris: What did you say? DIO: Because if you said something disparaging about me... >Tifa: Oh nothing... > >Cloud: she said chea- PAIGE: That Cloud. Always so tactful. >(Tifa swiftly covers his mouth.) TREY: Don't talk, just do. >Tifa: Nothing! All I did was cough, right Cloud...(looks into >his eyes that really scares him, so he nods. She removes her >hand.) DIO: Cloud's such a tough guy. TREY: Yeah, you only coughed...I really believe that. >Cid: (whispers to Barret) [Hey Barret, let's make a bet.] DIO: I'll take the Patriots. You get the Jets. TREY: Hmm, what's the spread? >Barret: [Bet what?] LEILE: Your life! >Cid: [I bet Cloud'll screw Aeris before Tifa.] ALL: What?! LEILE: That's not a very nice way of putting it. DIO: Cid was never known for putting things nicely. TREY: This is a very interesting bet. >Barret: [HAH! in yo' dreams foo'!] PAIGE: I pity you, foo'. >Cid: [then it's a bet?] > >Barret: [.....yeah..] DIO: What the hell? It's not like I'm going to score with them or anything. >Cid: [The bet is 200 gil--] LEILE: Ooh, big spenders. TREY: They essentially bet four whole potions. >Aeris: What are you guys talking about? DIO: You having sex with Cloud. I've got Tifa, though, so stay away from him. >Barret: nuttin'... LEILE: ...honey. >Cid: not a ^%@&in' thing. PAIGE: Not a karat percent-sign at-sign amprasandin' thing. >Tifa: CID! DIO: You called, madam? >Cid: sorry... > >Aeris: Oh well. PAIGE: You guys sure are boring. >Barret: Girls, could la leave for awhil'? Me an' Cid gotta talk >to our bud' Cloud. TREY: Umm, what about that it doesn't require girls? >Cid: Yeah....man talk... DIO: Well, since he said it with such confidence, I'd instantly believe him. >(Aeris and Tifa look at each other and burst out laughing.) PAIGE: These clowns crack us up! >Tifa: All right BOYS, have at it... LEILE: Tifa and her forked tongue. DIO: Fine, we're doing some boy talk. >(Aeris and Tifa walk out.) > >Cloud: What do you guys want? TREY: He sounds a little leery. PAIGE: I don't blame him. >Cid: Just a little bet my boy... DIO: Gather 'round while Grandpa Cid tells you a story. TREY: Now then, my boy, where was I? Oh, yes, I was talking about the Great Depression. You see, a lot of people were sad... >Barret: Yeah. LEILE: Don't gamble, Barret. PAIGE: Yeah. DIO: You really like that, don't you? >Cid: I'm bettin' you'll screw Aeris before Tifa. TREY: You'd think he'd tell Cloud in a more polite way. DIO: Like, "I made a friendly wager with Barret. I think you'll make love to Aeris first, while he thinks you'll make love to Tifa." You were expecting that? >Barret: I'm bettin' for Tifa. PAIGE: But I'm gay. DIO: Whaaaaaa!? >Cloud: What's in it for me? TREY: Well, sex comes to mind. PAIGE: As the subject of the bet, he isn't really entitled to anything. DIO: In fact, I'm not sure why they told him they had a bet going. >Cid: A good screw that's what! TREY: That's what I said, but not quite like that. LEILE: Well, I could use one to help me put up some shelving... >Cloud: ....but-- > >Barret: No buts foo'! PAIGE: Fronts only! DIO: Well, I guess that means it has to be a girl, then. LEILE: Eww... >Cid: If I lose I pay Barret 500 gil and vise versa. TREY: 500? PAIGE: Cid's raising the stakes in the middle of the game! >Barret: Now it's 500 gil? > >Cid: Yeah. DIO: I probably should have discussed it with you, but... >Barret: .... LEILE: For once, he's speechless. >Cloud: ...I don't like this.... TREY: I'm not ready to make love. You need to be in a committed relationship, with both partners willing... DIO: Shut up and go have sex! >Cid: It's a bet! Now Cloud, start the seducing! PAIGE: What, now? You two are the only ones in the room with me... LEILE: Whoa, at least let me leave. >Cloud: .... TREY: I forgot what I was going to say. >Cid: Just kiddin'! The bet starts tomorrow. DIO: Well, then, what if Cloud does something today? It doesn't count? PAIGE: Keep the mouse in the house 'till tomorrow, okay, stallion? >* * * > >The Next Day > >(Cloud, Cid, Tifa, Aeris, Vincent, Barret and Yuffie are at >"Sephiroth's cookout" waiting to test out their food. LEILE: What are they, health inspectors? DIO: If my burger has any pink in it, I'm shutting this place down! TREY: "Sephiroth's cookout"? >They are sitting at their table waiting.) PAIGE: It's been established that they are waiting. >Tifa: "Sephiroth's cookout".... TREY: I use Supernova to broil the burgers to perfection! >Cloud: Could it be *our* Sephiroth? LEILE: Especially considering he's supposed to be dead. Not that that stops Aeris from leading a productive life. >All but Cloud and Vincent: DUH! LEILE: Well, of course not Cloud. PAIGE: DUH! DIO: Vincent is too classy to be saying, "Duh." >Vincent: yeah Cloud, DUH! DIO: I retract my previous statement. LEILE: You hardly expect it out of Vincent, though. >Yuffie: you tell him Vinny! PAIGE: Rah, rah, go Vinny! I'm your cheerleader! TREY: She called them morons? She's one to talk. >Cloud: Shut up Yuffie! > >Yuffie: You! LEILE: Another beautiful comeback. >Cloud: You! DIO: Have the Final Fantasy characters regressed to being ten years old? >Cid: (whispers to Cloud) [bet bet bet....] PAIGE: Cid's skipping. TREY: What bet are you talking about? Oh, that. >Cloud: uh....so...Aeris...how about uh.....how >about....those....Dodgers? PAIGE: Oh, yeah, I guess they can keep abreast of American baseball while being in a completely different world. DIO: What are the Dodgers? LEILE: I think they should just accept being drafted and join the military! TREY: Well, the injury to Brown hurts them, but realistically their chances are good if Green carries the offense. >(Cid and Barret hit themselves on the forehead.) PAIGE: Darn flies! >Aeris: What about 'em? TREY: You have a point here, or are you just stupid? >(Just then, Sephiroth walks slowly through the door with a >joint in hand wearinf a pink, green, and blue tye dye sleevless >shirt, a red bandana with a peace sign in the middle if it, >torn, faded blue jeans and yellows sandals. DIO: Sephiroth's turned into Willie Nelson. LEILE: I thought that I wasn't scary enough, so I became a stoned hippie. >Sephiroth: Everybody....Love, peace and harmony to all. PAIGE: I think Sephiroth has a rally at Kent State he needs to get to. TREY: Down with the Vietnam War! >(Everyone cheers as Cloud and the crew stare at him in awe.) LEILE: The hell? PAIGE: This is the REAL Bizarro Sephiroth. TREY: Are we going to get food or do we have to listen to a peace-loving hippie give a speech? >Avalanche crew: Sephiroth!?!?!? DIO: Don't use labels like names, man...you really harsh my vibe. >Sephiroth: Please, call me Sephy..... PAIGE: All the fangirls do. >All: Sephy!?!?!? > >Sephy: Yes? LEILE: You called, sirs? >All: . . . . TREY: There's nothing left to say. The End. >(Cait Sith and Nanaki walk in) PAIGE: Where have they been? DIO: And what are they doing together...? LEILE: Uh, oh, they're mighty suspicious. >Nanaki: Sorry we were lat- PAIGE: He meant to say, "Sorry we were latte." >(Cait Sith and Nanaki stare at Sephy in awe.) DIO: I think Bugenhagen has been spiking my water bowl again. >Cait Sith: Oh my. . . LEILE: I'm in love! >(Tseng, Elena, Reno, and Rude walk in.) TREY: What is this, a reunion of the entire cast? DIO: Including several reanimated people. >Turks: . . . . . . . PAIGE: Boy, it's a good thing they came and added all of their insight. DIO: They're so useless. >(They look at Sephy and fall on the floor while laughing >hysterically.) LEILE: Eww, I just rolled onto someone's chewed gum. >Reno: Look at Sephiroth!!! TREY: Former Attorney General Janet Reno! >Elena: He's a hippie!?!? HAHA!!! LEILE: That's hilarious! Did I mention I just took a hit of nitrous oxide? HAHA!!! >Sephiroth: Call me Sephy man, (smokes his joint) just Sephy... PAIGE: Or Sephy man. That's kinda cool. DIO: Hey, I'm surrounded by idiots. Give me a hit off that joint. >(They look at each other in silence and burst out laughing even >harder then before.) LEILE: I laughed so hard it hurts! >Tseng: Sephy the hippie!?!?! This is too good!! TREY: I always like to see my murderer dress funny. >(Sephy stumbles over to Elena and smiles.) > >Sephy: your a pretty littles turtle dove. . . LEILE: You calling me a bird? DIO: Hey, babe, I'm kinda out of it, I don't know what I'm saying. >Reno: Elena!? Pretty!? Yeah right!? LEILE: Right? I'm not sure on that one. PAIGE: Elena will be sure to react kindly to that statement. >(Tseng stands up and punches Reno in the face.) > >Elena: I am pretty! TREY: Don't fight well, but pretty. DIO: I'm pretty! I'm pretty! I'm pretty! >Tseng: yeah! > >Elena: you mean it Tseng? LEILE: I mean it enough to steal the capital 'Y's. DIO: Oh, how sweet...I think. >Tseng: Yeah. . . look at that woman over there She is gorgeous! >(walks away) PAIGE: Doubtless Elena got a good opinion from an objective source. DIO: If it'll help me score with you, then, yes, you're pretty. >(Elena sighs and sits down at a vacant table. Sephiroth kisses >practicially all the women in the room.) TREY: Including Mary Jane. LEILE: He also kissed most of the men. Sephiroth doesn't discriminate. >All: GROSSNESS!!!! DIO: Is that a noun? We're not sure, but we'll say it anyway. PAIGE: Yuck, he left his joint in my mouth. >Yuffie: Hey! That's m- LEILE: I said shut up! >(Sephy dips Yuffie and kisses her. he lets her go. She staggers >around while giggling.) TREY: Oh, that's just her reaction to everything. >Yuffie: That was good. . . (faints but Vincent catches her just >before she falls.) DIO: I mean, he is more than twice my age, but I like older men, anyway. >Sephy: I am the best man- LEILE: Who's getting married? PAIGE: Don't listen to him. He's wasted. >(Sephy get jumped by 10 guys) HEY!!! TREY: Peace! Peace! Love! Stop! Oh, hell, I'll just kill all of you. >Reno: BAR FIGHT!!!!! DIO: Reno is a veteran of the bars. PAIGE: All the Turks are. It's amazing they stayed sober long enough to bother Cloud during the game. >(The whole room breaks out into a fight. Barret and Cid bash >each other over the head with beer bottles as Reno and Rude hit >each other over the head with chairs. LEILE: So, someone declares a bar fight and everyone decides to beat their friends? TREY: Oh, you're supposed to punch out someone you DON'T know? >Vincent sits Yuffie in a chair and tries to wake her up. DIO: You're going to want to get in on this fight! >Aeris runs out screaming along with Cait Sith and Nanaki close >behind. PAIGE: That's right, get the pansies out of there so the real fighters can duke it out. LEILE: I don't want to mess up my ceremonial headdress. >Elena hides under a table while repeating "I don't wanna die!". PAIGE: Well, almost all of the pansies left. >Tseng beats the crap out of an innocent bystander. DIO: Sure makes him sound like a fine gentleman. TREY: I must take all my anger out on innocents! LEILE: Well, that's what he gets for trying to be an innocent bystander in a bar fight. PAIGE: I believe 'Seinfeld' already proved there is no such thing as an innocent bystander. >Tifa and Cloud hide behind the bar counter and throw food at >random people. PAIGE: Can you tell they haven't been involved in too many bar fights? LEILE: I feel like that's something that would happen in a Woody Allen flick. DIO: You know, I, I would fight, but, you know, my, my, my back, yeah, my back, it hurts, you know, too much bending, and stuff, so, you know, I'll just be back here, tossing fruit. >Rufus walks in with shot gun in hand and gets hit in the head >with four eggs. TREY: That's for being President of Shin-Ra! >He aims his gun at the ceiling and fires a warning shot. >Everyone stops what they are doing and fall silent.) LEILE: It's Sheriff Rufus! DIO: All right, y'all, I'm the Sheriff in these here parts, and I demand to know what all the ruckus is all about. >Rufus: What the hell is going on!?!?! PAIGE: Well, you see, there was the...umm, someone yelled "Bar fight!" and we were like, "Okay." TREY: Actually, no one really knows what the hell is going on. >Tseng: hello Rufus. . . DIO: Today, on "Sally Jesse Raphael": The deceased and their deceased ex-bosses. >Yuffie: (wakes up) Tseng, aren't you suppose to be dead? TREY: Well, sure, but the paperwork didn't get filed. LEILE: Yuffie wakes up, and that's the first thing out of her mouth? >(Everyone looks at Tseng) PAIGE: Oh, man, I've got spinach in my teeth, don't I? >Tseng: So is Rufus! DIO: Good one. TREY: Don't change the subject! You're supposed to be dead! >Rufus: no no no, see I could have survived. . . PAIGE: Coulda, woulda, shoulda. LEILE: I could have survived...in fact, hey, I did! >Tseng: So could I! DIO: And obviously he has. >Rufus: no Tseng, the Temple of the Anicents fell on your ass. TREY: Luckily the rest of him was unharmed. PAIGE: He can now live a normal life, except for not being able to sit down. >Tseng: . . . .Aeris is supposed to be dead too! > >Elena: (stands up) yeah! LEILE: What gives? DIO: I refuse to actually explain how I'm still alive. Instead I'll point out other people who are also inexplicably alive. >(out of the blue, Cupid comes {invisible of course} PAIGE: Of course. TREY: Hey, St. Valentine's Day is months away! >and shoots his love arrows hitting Cloud and Tifa, making them >fall madly in love with each other {doesn't this sound >familiar. . . .}. DIO: Umm, yeah, I remember this part of the game. LEILE: Why is Cupid here, causing chaos? PAIGE: That's all he does. LEILE: Oh, yeah. >Cupid disappears. TREY: Of course, he was already invisible, so it was really tough to tell when he disappeared. >The two look at each other.) LEILE: ...each one trying to sort out the other's massive amounts of faults. >Cloud: . . . . DIO: I'm the strong and silent type. >Tifa: . . . . PAIGE: I don't feel much like talking. >(They lustfully makeout behind the bar counter. DIO: Hey, all right! LEILE: Sheesh. PAIGE: Sometimes words just aren't necessary. >Quistis, Zell, and Selphie walk in) DIO: Because there aren't enough characters in this already. LEILE: Before you know it, Edgar, Zidane and the Black Mage from the first Final Fantasy are going to come walking in. >Zell: Hot dogs? PAIGE: And today's "Random Line of the Day Award" goes to...Zell! >(Selphie hits Zell upside the head.) DIO: Thanks, I needed that. >Cid: HEY! Wrong fan fic guys! Go back to your own! TREY: I'm smart enough to know I'm a character in a fanfiction! >Quistis: It's not our fault, it's the writers LEILE: I'm just a victim of circumstance. Something like that, anyway. DIO: Insert your favorite fourth wall jokes here. >Vincent: That writer has caused problems before. . . . DIO: One time, because of the writer, I got hemorrhoids. PAIGE: I don't think he can blame everything on the writer. >Writer: God Dammit!!! Shut the >^%^$!^%#*&!*^#%^$#^%!(&%#^%$##@^%#!^%#&^%*&%#^%$^%*&%@%#^$#^%# >!*&^#%&$!(&^#&$!(^%# Up and be Thankful I haven't made you >sleep with With each other!!! TREY: No need to tell us twice. Thank you! LEILE: She makes Cid look like Bambi with all that cursing! DIO: I'll say. >Can you say 15some!?!?!?!? PAIGE: Fifteensome. There, I said it. LEILE: Oh my God! What have you done? DIO: Going to need a pretty big bed for that... >Everyone: . . . . . . . . . . . TREY: We need new agents. >Writer:: Now stop complaining!!! > >(Squall, Rinoa, and Irvine walk in. DIO: Dumdedumdumdum, wonder what's going on in here. TREY: It's probably starting to get mighty crowded in that bar. How many people are actually in this fic? LEILE: Let's just say lots. PAIGE: And these three were followed by Galuf, Terra, Yuna and, for a chance of pace, Serge from 'Chrono Cross'. >Reno walks over to Quistis.) > >Reno: At least let Quisty stay. . . She's FINE!! PAIGE: Who is he, Martin Lawrence? DIO: Damn, you fine. >Quistis: Go join my fan club. . . LEILE: You can find it at www.hotlibrarianlook.com >Reno: OK! (runs out) PAIGE: I wasn't serious, numbnuts! >(Irvine and Rufus circle each other.) TREY: Hey, that was more of an ellipse! DIO: Oh yeah? Well, you did an oval! TREY: An oval is an ellipse, you idiot! DIO: ...Shut up! TREY: You! >Irvine: nice gun you got there. . . . . > >Rufus: ditto . . . LEILE: Nice dialogue you got there... DIO: Ditto... >Squall: Whatever. . . TREY: Hey, that's my line! PAIGE: Squall has the right attitude for this. >Barret: HEY!! FF8 is taking over FF7's fan fic!!! DIO: At this point I don't even remember what the plot of FF7's fic was supposed to be, so it doesn't matter. >Some Guy: Let's Kill them!!! TREY: Well, we don't want to overthink this, now... LEILE: BAR FIGHT! PAIGE: I like that. 'Some Guy'. DIO: Like he just walked in to deliver that line. >All: YEAH!!! TREY: Why not? Nothing better to do on a Thursday afternoon. >Rinoa: Let's leave. . . now! DIO: I think they may try to kill us. PAIGE: Thanks, Sherlock. >(The FF8 crew run out and get chased by everyone except Tifa >and Cloud. TREY: They were too busy doing other stuff. DIO: Yeah, each other! Har! LEILE: Oh, geez. >Barret sneaks back in.) PAIGE: I have to get those two cute ones, Tifa and Cloud, on camera! >Barret: [Yo Cupid . . . ] > >(Cupid appears.) TREY: It's Barret does jive! DIO: Was'sup, dog? >Cupid: [you called?] LEILE: I'm normally only available for crazy antics at bar mitzvahs and birthday parties. DIO: "You called"? Cupid must either be a genie or a butler. >(Barret hands him 100 gil) PAIGE: So, Cupid's a love mercenary, now? DIO: Didn't you see his ad in the New York Times? >Cupid: [Alright! Now I can buy Aphrodite her Mother's day present! TREY: A cheap knock-off of a designer gift! >By the way . . . .did that spell I cast on Cloud wear off?] PAIGE: No, he's still going at Tifa pretty good. >Barret: [Yeah. That's why I'm paying you foo'!] > >Cupid: [Alright alright! see-ya!] (disappears) LEILE: Good-bye, Mr. T! >Barret: [heh heh heh . . . I'll win that bet yet. . . . .] DIO: Even though I have to cheat like a pathetic loser. >(Barret hears moaning and groaning behind the bar counter) LEILE: Yikes! DIO: Heh heh. >Barret: [whoa! I didn't think they'd be doin' it so soon! Oh >well. I win! hahahahahah!] (runs out) TREY: What, he isn't going to watch? PAIGE: Eww, why would he? TREY: Good point. >Tifa: Oh Cloud you are the best I have ever had! DIO: And believe me, that isn't easy, considering how many I've had. >Cloud: The best!? I thought you said you were a virgin >yesterday! LEILE: Uh, oh. Think...how to get out of that gigantic lie? PAIGE: And Cloud believed her? What a goof. >Tifa: Kiss me Cloud! TREY: Hey, you aren't trying to duck the question, are you? LEILE: 'Course not. DIO: You weren't lying about being STD-free, as well, were you? >Cloud: Ok. TREY: He's easily swayed. PAIGE: Hey, as long as we're making-out, I'm cool. >* * * > >Meanwhile..... DIO: ...in the desert, some snakes slithered. >(Aeris, Cait Sith, and Nanaki are back at 7th Heaven.) LEILE: Tina went to all the trouble of rebuilding it, we might as well hang out here. >Aeris: That was scary. PAIGE: How would you know? You bolted the minute things looked bad. DIO: I'm scared. Hold me, Nanaki. >Cait Sith: Aeris, are you a wimp? LEILE: Why yes, yes I am. TREY: That comment hurt! I'm going to eat a whole gallon of ice cream to ease the pain! >Aeris: (eyes widen at the question) Of course not! and if so, >your as much of a wimp as I am! PAIGE: She has a point there. DIO: Never mind that I am a robot being controlled from a safe location elsewhere, I still wanted to run away from the fight. >Nanaki: She's right you know. LEILE: So there, kitty. TREY: Shove it, you...err, what are you again? >Cait Sith: yeah well. . .I wonder what's going on with the >others. . . . . . TREY: Hope they aren't dead because they didn't get our help. Oh well. >* * * > >(Back at "Sephiroth's cookout" . . . the people in the >restaurant have backed the FF8 crew the a cliff.) DIO: Sephiroth chose a plateau as the location for his eatery? LEILE: Well, the land was cheaper up here, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. >Quistis: There is no need for this! DIO: Well, of course not, but it still seems fun. PAIGE: Please cease this nonsense, humans! >Zell: I don't wanna die! Hold me instructor! (Zell grabs onto >Quistis.) TREY: Oh, he's just trying to get an excuse to grab her. DIO: I seem to have gotten my head stuck in your dirty pillows. >Quistis: (pats Zell on the head) ok Zell, now let go . . . LEILE: The mother-like Quistis cares for the child-like Zell so well. >(Zell doesn't release his grip) PAIGE: Can't you take a hint? DIO: Zell has a tighter grip on Quistis than a Teamster does on a coffee cup. TREY: Hey, my father's a Teamster! DIO: And? TREY: Oh, he does drink a lot of coffee... >Some Woman: Kill 'em all!! PAIGE: She should marry Some Guy. TREY: That's the new 'Pokemon' slogan. It's altered a bit from the original to emphasize most people's feelings on the little monsters. LEILE: I thought lynching was a thing of the past, but I guess I was wrong. >Squall: Whatever. . . DIO: I have all the range of emotions of a robot. >Irvine: I got an idea! How about me and his other guy with a >gun square off. If I win, my friends live. If he wins, we die. PAIGE: Sounds great! Wait...you suck. We'd be screwed. >Selphie: NO! Love and peace! No more fighting! TREY: Okay, then you just have to go and kill yourselves. LEILE: I just had a good talk with Sephiroth, and after a few hits of his joint, I began to see his way was a good one. >Sephy: (Walks to Selphie) I feel the same way. What's your >name? > >Selphie: Sel- PAIGE: I won't finish because you're a stranger and I'm told not to tell my name to strangers. >Irvine: Hey! keep away! She's mine! (Sephy backs off) LEILE: What is she, his trophy? DIO: Whoa! She's got a crazy gun-toting cowboy as a boyfriend! Obviously she's not for me. >Rude: Kill them already! PAIGE: For the love of...must I do EVERYTHING myself? TREY: Didn't you hear Some Guy and Some Woman? They said to kill them! And we must listen to them! >Quistis: Let go Zell! (she accidentally pushes Zell into Rinoa >and Rinoa falls off the cliff.) LEILE: Tell Squall I love himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...! DIO: Whatever. >Quistis: whoops! TREY: Somehow you'd expect her to react a little more strongly. PAIGE: I killed Rinoa? Oh, fiddlesticks. >Squall: Rinoa!!!! DIO: Yo, Rinoa!!! >It's not suppose to be this way!!!!! And I want my ring back!!! >(Jumps after Rinoa) TREY: I need that ring, so I'm going to commit suicide to get it! LEILE: I don't think Squall really thought that through. >Selphie: Squall!!!! You still owe me 1,000 Gil!!!! (Jumps after >Squall) DIO: Speaking of not thinking things through... TREY: Take it from my lifeless body once I hurdle into the ground at about 1,000 miles per hour. >Irvine: Selphie!!!! I thought you LOVED me!!!!!!! (jumps after >Selphie) PAIGE: Okay, who inserted the lemming gene into these characters? >Quistis & Zell: . . . . . . . !!!! DIO: What the hell just happened? TREY: I'm still trying to figure that out. >Rude: does this mean we can't kill them? LEILE: Well, seeing as how they kind of took care of things themselves... >Elena: Basically Rude. Those idiots killed themselves. TREY: That WAS basically rude of them. She's right. DIO: When are we going to find smart people who let themselves be killed by a mob? >Except for those two (points to Quistis and Zell whose knees >are shaking.) LEILE: They must be cold. >Cid: Ah %#(&!*^%!#%^(!*&!#%^$~*#(*^@!#%*&@^(*!&^#!*%#@!&!!!!!!! >I wanted to witness a bloodbath! PAIGE: You can't always get your way. LEILE: Just take a gander down the cliff, I'm sure your bloodbath is there. TREY: Ah percent sign pound sign opening parenthetical mark...oh, screw it. DIO: Cid can make even the most foul-mouthed sailors blush. >(Quistis and Zell run away) PAIGE: They should have done that earlier, if it was an option. >Some guy #2: Hey! Their getting away!! LEILE: Being 'some guy #2' isn't exactly anything to write home about. TREY: If this was an episode of 'Star Trek', this guy would be the one who goes on the away team with the main cast and gets killed by aliens. >Some guy #1: Let's get 'em!!! PAIGE: Hah! I am the number 1 Some guy, while you are only the second best Some guy! >(Everyone runs after them except Barret, Cid, Vincent, and >Yuffie.) TREY: They don't like to do much running. DIO: No one said you'd need to run to be in a mob! Forget it, I'll just hang out here. >Cid: Well that was a &^$%in' waste of time! LEILE: Well said. TREY: He'd fit right into formal high society. DIO: These are %$&%in' good crumpets and caviar. >Let's go get Tifa and Cloud and go home. PAIGE: They're a bit busy at the moment, though... >Barret: uh. . . he he. . .ok DIO: I'm done laughing. Okay. LEILE: He doesn't sound suspicious at all. >Yuffie: why are you laughing Barret? PAIGE: Better than being frowning Barret, don't you think? >Barret: no reason. . . TREY: I like to just laugh at the absurdity of life. Something wrong with that? LEILE: Yes. >(They walk into the restaurant. They all are surprised at what >they hear.) PAIGE: Wow! GW Bush is reading aloud from 'Hamlet'! DIO: Who'd have thought Bush was a Shakespeare buff? >Vincent: What in the world? That's coming from behind the bar >counter. . . LEILE: I think I'll just point out the painfully obvious. PAIGE: You know, Vincent's role in this has been pretty minor. It's almost tragic. >Cid: (pushes Yuffie ahead.) Go check and see what it is. DIO: I always let the youngest go first, in case there's danger. TREY: I think Yuffie is going to get a lesson normally reserved for the sex ed classes. >Yuffie: Me? . . .fine (she walks slowly toward the bar counter >and takes a peek. Her eyes widen at what she sees.) LEILE: Oh my God! It's Pauly Shore! ALL: AHH! >GROSSNESS!!!!! (she runs into the bathroom) DIO: Hey, there's grossness in there, too! Especially in that toilet. PAIGE: Lovely images, thank you very much. >All:. . . . . . . (They all look to see Cloud and Tifa uh . . . >uh . . .um . . ."doin' the nasty".) TREY: Is that a dance? The Nasty? LEILE: Darn punks and their new dances. >All(including Cloud and Tifa): >AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! >!!!!!!!!!!! PAIGE: ...Real Monsters! >Barret: Alright!!! I win!!! pay up Cid! DIO: The evidence is clearly in my favor. LEILE: Cloud, you only had sex with me because of a bet! TREY: Well, uh, you see... LEILE: TREY: Hey! LEILE: Sorry, I was in character. >(Cid reluctantly reaches in his pocket and pulls out 500 Gil >and slaps it in Barrets palm.) DIO: High five! >Cid: &%^%!@^#*&!%$#&!*(^#%#&%^$#&! (walks to the Highwind) PAIGE: Does just releasing a string of curse words count as actual conversation? I've always wondered. >Vincent: I'll go check on Yuffie . . . . (walks to the >bathroom) DIO: That's the women's bathroom! PAIGE and LEILE: Eeeeek! >Barret: thanks. You guys just made me 200 Gil richer. (walks to >the Highwind laughing.) DIO: He already spent the other 300 gil? Or did he...cheat? TREY: Money always did burn a hole in his pocket. PAIGE: Either that, or Barret can't count well. >(Cloud and Tifa get dressed and walk outside.) LEILE: Well that was hardly embarrassing at all...right? >Cloud & Tifa: . . . . . . . DIO: They don't want to talk and ruin the awkward moment. >Cloud: What do we do now? TREY: Everything else will seem like such a letdown after making love. PAIGE: I suppose we could have sex in another public place so anyone could just come up and watch. >(Cupid appears and erases the memory of what happened. DIO: What? LEILE: That came out of left field. TREY: I'm sorry, but you must forget this day. PAIGE: Hey, Tifa, when are we going to make love for the first time? I suggest now. >He counts the money Barret gave him and disappears.) TREY: You always have to count it, because Barret might shortchange you. >Tifa: what happened? DIO: Trust me, you don't want to know. >Cloud: (shrugs) last I remember Rufus came in and we throw >those eggs at him. PAIGE: And then it's all a blur...although I do have the strange feeling that I was really happy... >Rufus: You did WHAT!?!?!!? LEILE: We threw eggs at you. It was pretty fun. DIO: Then we had sex. PAIGE: Hi, I'm back from being part of the mob. >Cloud & Tifa: uh oh! (They run as they get chased by Rufus.) DIO: Darn kids! Never throw chicken embryos at me again! >The End!! TREY: So, time to go? PAIGE: No, wait, there's still more. TREY: What, a postscript? >Reno: damn! that was pathetic! the ending sucked! LEILE: Leave it to Reno to be tactful. DIO: Today, on 'Ebert and Reno', we'll be reviewing various fanfics. >Elena: Shut up or the writer will make us. . . you know. DIO: No, I don't know, and I don't like how you insinuate that I should. PAIGE: And I don't want to...you know...with you. >Rufus: yeah! I don't wanna be in the same bed with guys! that's >just nasty! LEILE: Ack! PAIGE: No one said anything about him. DIO: Well, I don't want to be in the same bed as you, if that's how you feel about it. >Writer: guess what? > >Everyone: . . . . . TREY: Good guesses. Really. PAIGE: They all pled the fifth. >Writer: Guess dammit!! DIO: Demanding today, aren't we? PAIGE: Dammit! See, I guessed. >Tseng: you are gonna die in 2 days? LEILE: Now that's not very nice. DIO: Tseng should be one to talk about dying. >Rufus: you are retiring from making fan fics? > >Reno: you like to eat dog food? PAIGE: Yeah, that's likely. DIO: Reno must think the author is a Labrador. >Elena: the next story you are gonna write is a love triangle >between me Rufus and Tseng? LEILE: That would be...different. DIO: Ten bucks on the final couple being Rufus and Tseng. TREY: Oh, that's easy. You're on! DIO: I wasn't serious. TREY: Oh. Umm, neither was I. >Writer: it wasn't gonna be that but that's even better. Thanks >Elena! > >Rufus & Tseng: Elena!!!!! PAIGE: Lucy!!! >Elena: What? DIO: Sorry, I haven't been paying attention to what's going on. >Rude: . . . . TREY: What's the matter, Rude, cat got your tongue? >Reno: Ha haha hah LEILE: He's laughing at your joke, Trey. TREY: I'm touched. LEILE: Even though it wasn't that funny. TREY: Gee, thanks. >Scarlet: Kya hah ha ha ha hah!!!! DIO: Talk about a grand entrance. PAIGE: Practically everyone and their mother made it into the story but me! That's why I'm laughing! >Reno: AHHHH!! it's Scarlet!!! Run!!! LEILE: Reno has issues. DIO: Hey, I'm not the Scarlet from the game! My last name is O'Hara! >Writer: Scarlet is gonna be in it. TREY: The love triangle story? Is it then a love square? PAIGE: Or maybe she plays a support role, wherein she gets no actual romantic scenes, but hangs around the ones who do get them. >Everyone: NNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!! TREY: They gave John Ritter his own sitcom! Nooo! >The TRUE End! NARF! DIO: So Pinky was the writer the whole time? PAIGE: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? LEILE: I think so, Brain, but why do I have to write a Final Fantasy 7 fanfic? >READ whats below please! Don't forget to review the fic!! PAIGE: Hey, when does this thing actually end? LEILE: You know, end usually means something stops, ceases, etc. I don't see that happening, even though it's ended twice. >OK! This was not to bash Aeris lovers, Tifa lovers, Cloud >lovers etc. I am thinking of turning neutral TREY: Hey, worked for Norway in WWII. >(with the exception of Quistis and Seifer being my all time >faves!). PAIGE: There's a match made in heaven. >I am getting sick of people bashing Tifa, Quistis, any >characters for that matter! They are computer generated >characters!! LEILE: Well I hardly think they really care if they get bashed, then. DIO: Hey, what's this? 'Why I want to kill Quistis'? That's not nice. I should just stop surfing the web... PAIGE: A lot of the characters DIED in this fic... TREY: Well, that's really up for debate. We never did find out. PAIGE: They fell off a cliff! TREY: Okay, but that doesn't mean anything. >Bashing of stories and characters are what cause author wars! >They may seem entertaining in the beginning, but then they just >get down right annoying! PAIGE: Author wars are always annoying. DIO: LEILE: Look out for Luke Skywriter and his nemesis, Darth Marker! TREY: With Obi-Won Penobi and Chewbooka! DIO: And many more puns involving 'Star Wars' characters and writing implements! LEILE: We've got a million of them! PAIGE: Wonderful. >So as a slight pley to everyone, stop bashing peoples work and >characters. TREY: Fine. DIO: Is it over yet? >I see nothing wrong with giving opinions and critisizm, DIO: Damn. >but anything else, the author should not have to read and/or be >effected by because those people who wrote the comments are >@$$holes! LEILE: Today's commentary sponsored by @$$hole brand pseudo cursing. If it's not @$$hole, it's not pseudo-cursing! >Seriously, and you KNOW who you are! PAIGE: Unless you have amnesia, in which case you have no idea who you are. >AND STOP FORGETTING ABOUT QUISTIS IN FANFICS!!! TREY: Can we still leave her out on purpose? Kidding, kidding... >This fanfic is somewhat dedicated to perv because, well, he's a >perv! :) PAIGE: Hence his name. DIO: They call me perv because that's what I do best. LEILE: I think it's over. DIO: We should wait a bit to make sure. TREY: Okay, it looks done. LEILE: Well, it suffered from too many characters. DIO: And the plot, such as it was, took a backseat to FF8 cameos and related shenanigans. TREY: On the bright side, there were no songs to be found. LEILE: And it really isn't that bad... PAIGE: We should just consider ourselves lucky it wasn't Cid who was naked and lying on the floor with a girl. DIO: And on that happy note, let's scram. BASEMENT OF CAPTIVITY While the others lounged in the living room, Dio decided to hit the restroom. On the way back, however, he was accosted by none other than Cupid himself. The little cherub had his little bow and quiver of arrows, and he greeted Dio. "Hello, good sir. I am Cupid, of Cupid, Inc." "You're a business now?" asked Dio. "Oh, yes. It was fun to screw with people's feelings just for the fun of it, but even a near-deity such has myself has to put food on the table. I have several children to raise, you know." "Really?" Dio was surprised. "Well, you see, I can be pretty clumsy, and before you know it, I've hit myself with an arrow, made love to the first woman I saw, and ended up with child care payments to take care of." Cupid sighed. "It's rough." "I guess," said Dio, getting a little worried. He wondered if Cupid was completely sane. "Anyway, how about buying one of my services? For just 300 gil, I'll make two of your friends fall instantly in love with each other!" Cupid proclaimed. Dio felt for the pockets of his jumpsuit before remembering it had none. "I don't really have any money. You see, I've essentially been kidnapped by an evil scientist who forces me to read fanfiction. It's not very profitable, as you might imagine." Cupid gave him a sympathetic frown. "Well, I can't do much to save you, but how about I hit your friends with love arrows for free? Will that make you feel better?" Dio gave a shrug. "Couldn't hurt." Cupid disappeared, and then reappeared a few moments later. "All done! Enjoy!" "Good luck with the child care payments," Dio said, as Cupid disappeared again, off to try to continue to make money. Dio returned to the living room. He found Paige and Trey lying on the ground, eyes closed, with Leile hovering over them. "It's really strange," Leile said to him. "It's like they just fell asleep all of a sudden!" "Yeah. Weird," Dio said. Both of the prone teens stirred, and turned to stare at each other. Dio could tell they were staring deeply into one another. "Good thing you guys are okay," Leile said. "I didn't want to have to read the rest of the fic with HIM." She jerked a thumb derisively to Dio. As soon as she was done, Paige and Trey instantly moved to each other and began kissing each other like lovers reunited after a long hiatus. Leile looked understandably stunned, while Dio could only crack a smile. "What the hell?" Leile demanded of them. They continued to kiss vigorously. Leile tried to pry them apart, but Paige knocked her backward without missing a beat with Trey. Suddenly, as quickly as they had begun, they stopped. They stared at each other for a couple seconds, then Paige said, "Why did we just do that?" "I don't know," Trey admitted. "I feel ill," Paige said. "Thanks a lot," muttered Trey. Leile still didn't know what to think. "What the hell?" she repeated, after exhausting her brain for a suitable response to the situation and finding none. "That was over kind of quick, but I guess I got what I paid for," Dio thought to himself. "I remember falling asleep, then waking up and thinking Trey was my soulmate, and that it was imperative that I kiss him," Paige said. "That's how it was for me, too," said Trey, who seemed a little happy even though he knew it was not real. "I must have been temporarily insane," Paige said. "Okay, I get it," said Trey, irritated. "If you guys were trying to freak me out, congratulations, you've succeeded!" said Leile. "Hey, Dio," said Trey. "What'd you think?" "How come you're so quiet?" said Paige. "I'd expect you to be all over us with unsavory comments." "Well, you might want to pin this one down on Cupid, Inc. He was just trying to cheer me up, although I would have preferred to have been the one being kissed," said Dio. "I bet," Paige said. "Wait, Cupid, Inc.?" Leile asked, but Dr. Kivlington called, appearing on the viewscreen. "How was today's experiment?" He said. "Okay," said Dio. "There was much entertainment afterwards, though," he added, grinning. Dr. Kivlington glanced over to where Paige and Trey sat on the floor. Both were breathing a little heavier than normal because they had been going at it so hard, and their hair was a mess. "Were you kids wrestling in here? Or, worse yet, performing stunts from that 'Jackass'? You know that little 'Please do not perform these stunts' disclaimer does nothing to stop you kids'." "Not quite..." Dio said. "I guess we have Cupid to blame, Dr. K.," said Paige. "And his child support payments," Dio said. "Ah, Cupid. Yes, I gave the little guy some money when he dropped by. I was hoping to make Gregory and EstelleBot more friendly towards each other. You know how he feels about it's personality. 'Too close to Estelle Getty's 'Sophia' character', he says. Well, that's what it's supposed to be!" "Is there going to be an end to this story?" Leile asked, exasperated. "Oh, yes. Anyway, it worked a little TOO well." Dr. Kivlington frowned. "You don't want to know what I saw them doing last." The four captives shuddered. "I believe you would be right about that," said Trey. "Anyway," said Dr. Kivlington. "Until next time, kids." He turned to his right. "Oh, Gregory, don't do that. No! Oh, my...this is just all wrong." Dr. Kivlington wandered from the viewscreen. "Cupid! Cupid! Please, come back, Cupid!" THE END Credits roll... >Sephiroth: Everybody....Love, peace and harmony to all. MYSTERY SUBURBAN THEATER 3000 http://suburbanmark.tripod.com/ mst_mark@yahoo.com Season the First --------- 101 - "Is this true?" Pt. 1 (Cardcaptors) 102 - "Is this true?" Pt. 2 (Cardcaptors) 103 - "The Gundam Wing Story" / "Dear Nintendo" (Gundam Wing / Pokemon) 104 - "Cheerleading Competition" Pt. 1 (Card Captor Sakura) 105 - "Cheerleading Competition" Pt. 2 (Card Captor Sakura) 106 - "Ash Is My Baby" (Pokemon) 107 - "The Bet" (Final Fantasy 7)